MOODY MONDAY

I missed last Monday because we decided to go to Sea World last minute. We had a fabulous time as a family. As for my mood I'm gonna have to go with a 3 AQUA! I love this color. It is the color of my bedroom walls. It's very calming, but I still want YELLOW! Therapy is going well, and I think I'm getting my meds finally figured out. Oh and by the way school starts this Wednesday, and we are all very excited around here! And my 10 year anniversary is this Tuesday. I love my husband so much for sticking by me over the past 10 years. He is the BEST! So lots of good things are happening. I'm sharing more of myself with those around me and that feels good. Have a HAPPY MONDAY!

Thought Record

This is what a thought record looks like. This is the last one that I did and that I feel comfortable sharing with you. In the first column you write down what the situation is. What happened that led to the unpleasant emotion.

In the second column you say what emotion you are feeling. Sad, angry, anxious, etc., and you give it a number. On a scale of 1 to 10 how strong is that emotion.

In the third column you write down the automatic thoughts you are telling yourself because of the situation. Then you give those thoughts a number too. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you really believe those thoughts.

In the fourth column you write down a more rational response to the situation or what is really the truth. Then you give this a number too. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you believe the rational response. This is my favorite part because it really does work for me. It helps me fight those automatic thoughts that I have about myself that bring me down.

In the last column you re-rate your belief in the automatic thought. Then you write down the emotion you are feeling after you have done the thought record, and rate that emotion as well.

I really enjoy doing these because I feel so much better after I complete the thought record. I think everyone could benefit from doing this. We all have situations that come up that create negative thoughts and feelings, and this helps you to take a step back and see things differently. I've tried doing this in my head as well, but it doesn't work very good for me. I always feel better after writing everything out though, and I hope it will work for you too. Have a happy thoughtful day!

MOODY MONDAY

6 Brown Darn it! Oh well. Just a little more moody than last week. I think I've been thinking and worrying too much over the last week. I need to be better at catching my negative thoughts, so that I can do thought records because those really help me. I'll show you what a thought record looks like on another day. For now I need to go to bed and hopefully dream about the color YELLOW.

Wordle

I was bored. Click to see my wordle.

Moody Monday

So I was thinking maybe this would be a good way for me to make sure I post at least once a week. I would like to keep track of my moods and how I have been feeling. So on Mondays I will tell you exactly how I feel. I know it seems backwards but 1 yellow is the best mood, and 10 black is the worst. I'm not planning on any tens, but if a ten does show up send dark chocolate and flowers my way please. And the results are in. Drum roll please . . . . . . . . . .

4 PINK. Not to bad. It would be lower if I didn't feel like I have had the flu for the past several days, but I'll take it. I switched one of my medications last week and I can already feel a huge difference. I know I'm headed in the right direction. Pink's a nice color, but it's not yellow. When I can consistently stay at a yellow for 4 weeks in a row than I am going to reward myself with a photo shoot with my children. I've already talked to the photographer about what I want and I'm so excited. I've missed out on a lot over the past 4 years, and I can't wait to see myself become the mom I've always known I can be. Cheesy yes. Sorry no!

Tulips Roses It's All the Same

This is my cute brother Brian. He just got home from serving a mission for our church down in the jungles of Brazil. The other two people in the picture are my cute sister Susan and her cute daughter Vie. The other night I was visiting with Brian about life and the things that have been going on while he has been gone for two years. I felt like I should share this part of my life with him because like I said I'm not hiding behind this anymore. I even recently told my mother in law. HUGE! My family is so important to me and especially my brothers and sisters. We've been through a lot together and have always been there to help and support each other in our trials and this shouldn't be any different. So I told my brother about this blog of mine, and he said that he would read it.




Last Tuesday I had therapy and it went kinda crappy. I wasn't able to gather my thoughts together and express what I was thinking. My therapist kept saying stop shrugging your shoulders we are beyond shoulder shrugging. So I would spit out words and broken thoughts, but it wasn't what I was really feeling. I left my appointment feeling down on myself. Which I recognize is just my old way of thinking. I really am trying to think more optimistically:)

I would just like to say thanks to my sisters and sister in laws who are always willing to watch my children while I have my appointments. They have been lifesavers to me. On this day it was Susan who came over to watch my kids while I was gone, and then she continued to hang out with me after I got home. So I'm home visiting with Susan trying to not be sad and Brian shows up with these. A dozen yellow roses. He said, "I don't even know what tulips are, so I got you these and they are yellow."


On my side bar you will see that happy things to me are tulips and the color yellow. Brian told me that he read my blog and that it made him cry and he couldn't sleep all night. I hugged him and fought back tears. He told me he was proud of me and that I AM doing a good job. He said lots of nice things to me and I took it. I believed what he was saying, and I quit feeling sorry for myself. Then we went to Barros and had a lovely black olive pizza. It was delicious! I love my brothers and sisters. The End.

I'm Going to Be Okay

Two months ago my therapist asked me how it made me feel to know that other women out there have experienced the same thing that I have been through and that I will get better. I told her that I didn't really care and to just make it go away. She then pointed to the magic wand on her shelf that guess what..... isn't really magic. She can't just wave the wand and make it go away. I need to own what I have been through and take responsibility for my recovery. I can't place that on anybody but myself.

Today I watched this video by Katherine Stone over at PostpartumProgress. Today I care. Today I find comfort in knowing that other women know what it is like to have PPOCD. Today I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Today I find joy in a lazy summer morning laying around in our pj's. Or if you're my 5 year old you run around in your undies. I love that boy so much I could eat him for lunch! Have a great day!