Still YELLOW! Have a fabulous day!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Tuesday Edition of Moody Monday (aka Monday was crazy)
I had a busy day yesterday and Moody Monday never even crossed my mind. Last week was kind of hard. I got up to a 7 ORANGE which is never any good when it comes to my mood. There was just a lot of stressful situations last week which led to intrusive thoughts and negative feelings. I think I handled it well though and today I'm at a 2 GREEN.
Yesterday I had therapy, and she always asks me what my greatest need is, and yesterday I said to be able to feel love. Both on the receiving and giving end. We talked about how love is an action not a feeling. I can't just wait for warm fuzzy feelings of love to come over me. I need to put love into action. On the flip side I need to accept love from others. I almost always have negative feelings associated with people showing me love. For example. My sweet husband swept and mopped the kitchen floor this morning. (love you babe!) Normally I would have told myself that I am lazy, and I should have mopped the floors yesterday, and my poor husband works all day long and comes home to a messy house, and blah blah blah blah blah. Today I said to myself my husband is great! He must really appreciate the things that I do everyday. He must really love me to be mopping the floors because he hates mopping just as much as I do. Then I gave him a big kiss to show him that I love and appreciate him for all that he does. See how that works? So much better than beating myself up all day, and I can enjoy my clean kitchen floor for at least a few more hours ;) I hope you have a LOVELY day!
Yesterday I had therapy, and she always asks me what my greatest need is, and yesterday I said to be able to feel love. Both on the receiving and giving end. We talked about how love is an action not a feeling. I can't just wait for warm fuzzy feelings of love to come over me. I need to put love into action. On the flip side I need to accept love from others. I almost always have negative feelings associated with people showing me love. For example. My sweet husband swept and mopped the kitchen floor this morning. (love you babe!) Normally I would have told myself that I am lazy, and I should have mopped the floors yesterday, and my poor husband works all day long and comes home to a messy house, and blah blah blah blah blah. Today I said to myself my husband is great! He must really appreciate the things that I do everyday. He must really love me to be mopping the floors because he hates mopping just as much as I do. Then I gave him a big kiss to show him that I love and appreciate him for all that he does. See how that works? So much better than beating myself up all day, and I can enjoy my clean kitchen floor for at least a few more hours ;) I hope you have a LOVELY day!
Monday, September 6, 2010
MOODY MONDAY
4 PINK I had some bad days last week. Nothing too terrible. Just some sadness and anger. I had an assignment for therapy to write a goodbye letter to the miscarriage and baby. I wrote this nice 2 page letter about how I was thankful for the experience because I have learned so much from it. I said goodbye to the pain of the miscarriage. I said goodbye to the baby. I wrote about how I no longer feel like I am in hell, and how amazing and wonderful that feels. I wrote down the words to the hymn How Firm a Foundation because that song has given me strength over the past 8 months. I was definitely using my logical side when I wrote this letter. I knew that this happened for a reason. It led me to find the right kind of help for me so I can end this horrible thing called PPOCD.
After writing the letter I didn't feel right. This went on for several days, and I was getting really frustrated because of it. I sat down at my desk. I got out my pen and paper and started writing again, and this is what came out. This whole miscarriage thing was stupid and crappy. I'm sad and angry because I should be having a baby next month and I'm not. My due date was October 16th. I also wrote that this sickness is all that I have known for the past 4 years, and that it has been scary for me to have so many good days. These are the last 3 sentences that I wrote down. I am afraid of who I can be. I am afraid of the responsibility. I am afraid to fail.
The next day I had therapy and I was afraid that my therapist was going to get after me for feeling this way. Instead she was jumping out of her seat, throwing her hands up in the air, and screaming YEA! She was excited that I had this insight. I was allowing myself to have feelings and that's a good thing. We talked about how it's okay to have these bad days, but that it doesn't mean that we have to stay stuck in them. So I am climbing out of those bad days last week, and this week will be better. I'll let you know when I see YELLOW!
Oh and I found joy in spending the last couple of days with my husband and children up in the mountains, and today I find joy in being home alone while my husband and children are still up in the mountains :) I love them so much, but it's nice to have some alone time. Have a great Labor Day!
After writing the letter I didn't feel right. This went on for several days, and I was getting really frustrated because of it. I sat down at my desk. I got out my pen and paper and started writing again, and this is what came out. This whole miscarriage thing was stupid and crappy. I'm sad and angry because I should be having a baby next month and I'm not. My due date was October 16th. I also wrote that this sickness is all that I have known for the past 4 years, and that it has been scary for me to have so many good days. These are the last 3 sentences that I wrote down. I am afraid of who I can be. I am afraid of the responsibility. I am afraid to fail.
The next day I had therapy and I was afraid that my therapist was going to get after me for feeling this way. Instead she was jumping out of her seat, throwing her hands up in the air, and screaming YEA! She was excited that I had this insight. I was allowing myself to have feelings and that's a good thing. We talked about how it's okay to have these bad days, but that it doesn't mean that we have to stay stuck in them. So I am climbing out of those bad days last week, and this week will be better. I'll let you know when I see YELLOW!
Oh and I found joy in spending the last couple of days with my husband and children up in the mountains, and today I find joy in being home alone while my husband and children are still up in the mountains :) I love them so much, but it's nice to have some alone time. Have a great Labor Day!
Monday, August 30, 2010
MOODY MONDAY
I would just like to say that on Saturday I was YELLOW. I am working on becoming a warmline volunteer. I copied the following information about the warmline from the website www.postpartumcouples.com.
Arizona Warmline:
(888) 434-MOMS
When you call the warmline you will leave a message and a trained parent volunteer who has "been there" will return your call as soon as possible. The warmline volunteers offer support, encouragement, resources, and referrals within your community in the state of Arizona.
We are here to help. You are not alone.
I spoke with the coordinator for the warmline on Saturday and we are going to meet this weekend so I can get the materials that I need to do this. I am super excited! I want to feel like my suffering had a purpose, and this is just a small way that I can help. I was also seeing yellow because of this.
I have been having a lot of fun fixing up some old furniture pieces for my bedroom. I like to think about how far I have come and the changes that I have been making to myself while I do this. It has been very therapeutic.
Anyways on to my mood today. I'm at a 2 GREEN. If I can get all my chores done for the day then I'll bet I'm seeing YELLOW by the end of the day. If not GREEN will do :) Have a great day!
(888) 434-MOMS
When you call the warmline you will leave a message and a trained parent volunteer who has "been there" will return your call as soon as possible. The warmline volunteers offer support, encouragement, resources, and referrals within your community in the state of Arizona.
We are here to help. You are not alone.
I spoke with the coordinator for the warmline on Saturday and we are going to meet this weekend so I can get the materials that I need to do this. I am super excited! I want to feel like my suffering had a purpose, and this is just a small way that I can help. I was also seeing yellow because of this.
I have been having a lot of fun fixing up some old furniture pieces for my bedroom. I like to think about how far I have come and the changes that I have been making to myself while I do this. It has been very therapeutic.
Anyways on to my mood today. I'm at a 2 GREEN. If I can get all my chores done for the day then I'll bet I'm seeing YELLOW by the end of the day. If not GREEN will do :) Have a great day!
Monday, August 23, 2010
MOODY MONDAY
3 AQUA. So I've had a little more anxiety this past week. It lasts for about 10 seconds. I feel like I can't breathe and my head starts to spin, but I pull out of it quickly. I think it is triggered by the fact that things are going well. I usually start to worry that something bad is going to happen when I'm doing good. That's just what I have learned from my life experiences. So I'm trying to find the middle. I know we all have good and bad days. My mood doesn't always have to be super happy nor does it need to be down in the dumps depressed. Which makes me wonder.......I really want to have this photo shoot with my kids, but what are the chances that I will be seeing YELLOW on Monday 4 weeks in a row. Not very good I think, so I'm changing my goal. I need to see YELLOW at least once a week for 4 weeks in a row. That seems more realistic to me. Because really there is nothing wrong with GREEN, PINK, OR AQUA. I'm happy seeing all of these colors, and that is my real goal. To just be happy! Most of the time :) Have a great day!
Monday, August 16, 2010
MOODY MONDAY
Let's get right to it. 2 Green. Isn't that just fantastic! It might have something to do with the fact that the kids are back in school :) I know I'm headed in the right direction. My meds are working the way they should, and I'm going to therapy every other week instead of once a week now. So things are looking good. I'm gonna go to bed now cause I'm kinda tired. Oh and today I found joy in hanging out with my sister tonight. The one that lives with me. She is amazing and I love her! Good night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
