MOODY MONDAY

Okay I'm back! I just needed some time to think and process everything that has happened over the last month, and it didn't feel right to put a color to it. The funeral service was beautiful! My husband and all his siblings did a wonderful job at speaking and giving tribute to their Dad. We all miss him so much!

2 Green I have been doing pretty well. I've seen my therapist once a week for the past 3 weeks. Once with my husband. Once with my mom, and once for myself. The husband and I are good. She doesn't feel like we really need to go together anymore. If my mom is willing to go back then there is probably more stuff to work on. My therapist was pretty straightforward with my mom on some things last time. I'm use to my therapist. That's why I love her, but I'm not sure what my mom thought of the whole session. I saw my therapist today and she said that it was very impressive the way I was able to communicate with my mom last week. She also said this is the most stable I have been ever!

So things are moving along as they should be. My homework assignment is for both me and my husband. Since we both feel like our family isn't complete we are to pray to find out how Heavenly Father would want us to go about adding to our family. I know my therapist would push for us to adopt. I also know she is just doing her job. She has to tell me the risks. I told her adoption would be a lot of hard work. She held up my file and said you have been coming here since March 31st 2010 and then she asked me has this been hard work? She said you do not want to lose all this work you have done. I know I have a lot of thinkin and prayin to do, and I don't take this decision lightly.

Have a fantastic week with those you love! Happy Thanksgiving!

MOODY MONDAY

I'm not going to give a color to my mood today. I honestly don't know how I would rate where I am at. The last few days have been very sad for our family. One of the greatest men I have ever known, my father in law, passed away suddenly at work on Friday. It broke my heart to sit down with our children and tell them that their grandpa had died. My husband did a wonderful job at bearing his testimony to our kids about the knowledge that we have that grandpa is in heaven and that we will see him again someday. I love this man with all my heart. I have known him for half of my life. He was like a second Dad to all of my brothers and sisters. He raised my brother Brian as if he was his own son. He was such a great example to all that he came in contact with and he will be greatly missed.



This is a picture of all the grandchildren that we had framed for grandpa's 60th birthday just over a week ago. He was so proud of all his grandchildren. My father in law is an avid Chicago Cubs fan so we had these t-shirts made for the kids to wear. It says Grandpa's Favorite Cubs. Grandpa loved these kids so much and we pray that they will be able to hang on to the memories that they have with their grandpa.

I'm so thankful for the knowledge that I have that families are together forever! Love you Dad!

MOODY MONDAY

I'm great! YELLOW! I had a fantastic week with my family during Fall Break. I'm so looking forward to crafting with friends on Friday. Today I got my story typed up for the Perinatal Mood Disorder training conference coming up next week. I'm looking forward to speaking on the panel again. I invited my mother in law to come with me. I don't know how much of my story she knows. If she reads my blog she hasn't told me she does. Lately she has shown an interest in knowing about what I've been through. I figured this would be a good way to let her know where I've been over the last five years. Should be a good time. Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

It feels good to be YELLOW once again. It has been awhile. I'm feeling strong. Friday was a beautiful day for my brother to get married. I'm so happy for him and his new wife.

Aren't they so cute together? I'm so thankful for my in-laws who have raised my brother for the past six years. They did an amazing job.

I love this time of year! I'm looking forward to the holidays and the cooler weather. I'm also looking forward to crafting. I'm going to make this


this

and this



I can't wait! Check out www.notsupersaturday.blogspot.com orders are due tomorrow. Have a great week!

Doing Better

I just wanted to get on here and say that I'm feeling a lot better today. I went to group then out to lunch with some girls from group. I was able to gather my thoughts and I emailed them to my therapist. She responded positively. All is well. I have a voice! It might take me 24 hours to find it, but it is there.

MOODY MONDAY

7 orange I wish I could say that I'm orange for Halloween. I'm feeling really discouraged and hopeless today. I saw my therapist this morning and it didn't go well. She was like why are we even here. She says that I'm sabotaging myself. She says that I'm going back to my old coping skills and I'm not using my tools. She said that I need to get assertive and stop being the victim. She wants to try doing the EMDR therapy on me again. She said she is going to push me harder than I've ever been pushed before. I left the office feeling sick to my stomach and with my anxiety level at a 7. I've just tried to stay busy today and not think about it too much. My brother is getting married on Friday, so this week is going to be busy. Hopefully that will help me push through this week. Have a great week!

One more month

The NP is giving me one more month to pull my stuff together. I told her that I just wasn't willing to go back on the med yet. She said she is confident that I can do this, but I need to be confident in myself. I promised to call her if it keeps getting worse. She also brought up ADD again and I was like hello we have talked about this before and you put me on that medicine and it did horrible things to me no thank you. Besides the idea is for me to come off the meds not add new ones. She agreed.

I had a meltdown on Wednesday. I've had high anxiety for over a week, and it got worse with trying to do my homework assignment. I called my therapist crying like a baby. I said I don't think I can do this homework. I'm not in a good place right now with trying to come off the med. She said don't do the homework. Then we talked about what my plan was going to be. I can't just sit at home and wallow in my stuff. She said get out of the house, go walk around Target, do something to nurture and take care of yourself. Walking around Target was the last thing I wanted to do, but I did agree to call my friend Crystal for some support. I called Crystal still crying and she offered to come over for a visit. So that was nice and it helped me to calm down. Yesterday was a little bit better. I had to force myself out of the house. I was literally sick to my stomach leaving the house. I went to the mall for some retail therapy and then I went and got a pedicure. Usually those things are fun for me to do, but yesterday it was just hard. I never would have thought that I would have to force myself to shop and get a pedicure. Today has been a lot better. I worked out which I haven't done in over a week, and then I got to babysit three of my nephews. One of which is a sweet little baby. Well they are all sweet, but it was nice to get some baby love.

Anyways I feel like I'm getting stronger each day, so I'm thankful for that. I know I can do it! Have a great weekend!