YELLOW I feel so much better since I quit the anti-anxiety med. The NP increased my Zoloft and the intrusive thoughts have decreased a lot! YAY! I had therapy on Monday and we talked about babies, speaking my mind, and anxious thoughts. I let her know that my goal is to have another baby. I know my family is not complete. I also know that I have time. I need to get some stability under my belt and just enjoy being well. With all my support systems in place I can have a baby and a healthy postpartum experience when the time is right.
My homework assignment is to let people know when they have done something that bothers me. I'm not very good at speaking my mind, and I am super passive aggressive. My dad showed up a hour and a half late to my house on Christmas day and instead of telling him that I wished he would have come when he was supposed to I ignored him the whole time which I'm pretty sure just makes me look like a jerk. This assignment will be hard and I think my husband is worried I'm going to do all my practicing on him:)
As for the anxious thoughts my therapist said we will have this conversation a hundred more times before I am able to train my brain to not automatically go to the anxious thoughts. For instance I am taking my sister to Idaho in a couple of weeks for a college scholarship audition. My first thought is that the plane is going to crash in the snow. Second thought is if the plane doesn't crash then I will crash driving in the snow. Third thought is I don't have any warm clothes because I live in Arizona and it's going to be something like 16 degrees for the high and I am going to freeze my butt off. Instead I should be thinking about what a great experience this will be for both of us and how much fun we are going to have.
Anyways I'm feeling really grateful for my trials and for the lessons I continue to learn from them. I'm a stronger better person because of my experiences, and I'm excited for a new year!
Have a great rest of the week!
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2 comments:
Good to see that you have had a positive day when all your concerns have positive answers. You should look back here often when you second guess yourself and forget this time of peace.
You will look back and LOVE the trip to Idaho & the time you spent with Emily! The snow would be enough to make me worried, but think of it is as good excuse to buy a cute scarf & jacket;)
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