MOODY MONDAY

I just got home from my first official workout with my trainer. It didn't go so well. I'm so not use to physical activity and I embarrassingly threw up after pushing it too hard. Luckily someone got a garbage can to me just in time. My trainer felt really bad. She pointed to the other two trainers in the room and said this only happens to them. I'm supposed to be the nice trainer. It would be real easy for me to say never mind, but I'm not giving up. I go back on Wednesday to try again. This time it will only be for 30 minutes and we will go a lot slower.

I saw my therapist last Friday, and I'll see her again this Friday. It's been a long time since I've been two weeks in a row. I know awhile ago I said that I didn't need to go as often, but I think that I was just trying to escape before things got too hard for me. I've hit a wall. I know that if I want to get any better than where I'm at I'm gonna have to change some things. I realized on Friday that I still have a lot of pain associated with the choices that my parents have made and it is keeping me stuck where I'm at. My therapist asked me how long do I want to let who my parents are control me. I got tears in my eyes, but I wasn't able to answer her question, so that turned into my homework assignment. Write about and answer three questions. How long do I want to let who my parents are control me? How can I accept my parents for who they are? And what do I need to accept about them? Rarely do I show emotion, so my therapist was thrilled that she hit on something that made me cry, so we need to find out what it is about. So far I have a page and a half written. This is probably one of the most important assignments that I have been given and I'm taking it seriously. My husband laughs at me because I've been listening to my "angry music" and beating the heck out of my pillow to get in touch with my feelings. I say whatever it takes to get it out.

As for my mood I'm gonna say 5 purple. I really hate throwing up so that kinda ruined my day. No worries. I'll be fine tomorrow : ) Have a great week!