It's just a PENGUIN

So December was a super busy month for me, as I'm sure it was for all of you. In all the hustle and bustle it was hard for me to take the time to feel the joy. I know that I had many wonderful experiences this past month. I was just so stinking busy doing this and that. Going here and there. That I didn't let the joy sink in, but I would like to share one experience.

Who knew that you could find joy at 3:30 AM being a mom. Not me. I woke up to my 7 year old son standing at the side of our bed. When he knew that we had seen him he scurried out of the room. My husband turned to me and said that our son had been up for the past hour, and that he didn't know what else he could do for him. They had gotten a drink. Gone to the bathroom. Said a prayer that the bad dreams would stop, and nothing brought comfort to our son. Now I rarely get up during the night because if I do it takes me a long time to fall back asleep, but I knew it was my turn. My husband had already been up for a hour and he deserves to sleep too.

I put my son back in bed and stroked his forehead and told him to relax and that he was going to be just fine and there are no such things as monsters and on and on. Not once did he even blink his eyes. He just kept telling me over and over again how scared he was. He sat up in bed and said mom I know that monsters are not real, but when I see the monster it's scary and it's real to me. When he said those words I immediately knew how I was going to help him.

I remembered saying almost the exact same words in one of my sessions. I was talking to my therapist about the scary thoughts and images that bothered me so much, and he said let's do an experiment. He said I am going to time you for one minute. Think about whatever you want, but whatever you do don't think about a penguin.

Go.

So of course right away I saw a big fat penguin looking at me, and at first I got really irritated that this penguin wouldn't go away, so I closed my eyes and just tried to relax. The penguin went in and out of my thoughts and I didn't let it bother me.

Times up.

The therapist thought that it was interesting that I closed my eyes, and wanted to know what happened when I did that. I said it helped me to relax and think about other things. Sometimes the penguin was there and sometimes it wasn't. No big deal. The therapist said that I was his first patient ever to learn what I was supposed to without having to do the second part of the experiment. Which is to think about whatever you want for a minute and it's okay if you think about a penguin. I didn't have to do that part because I already got it.

I started crying and he asked what the tears were about. I said this is what I have been doing for the past 2 years. I have taught myself how to relax through all this fear and anxiety and it's not working. I want it to go away. It's so scary to me. So then I was shown a clip from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The scene was called Boggart in the wardrobe. It showed me how to change my fears in to something ridiculous. I knew that I needed to teach my son the same thing.

So I said to my son. What would happen if we gave your monster a baby bottle and put a party hat on his head. My son busted up laughing. He knew exactly what he was supposed to do. Let me try mom. He stuck both pointer fingers into his ears, shut his eyes, and said an elephant wearing sneakers. That was followed with lots of giggling. He said okay mom you can go. I'll let you know how it goes in the morning.

I then laid in bed awake for the next 2 hours like I knew that I would, but it was all worth it. I thought about a lot of things in those 2 hours, but mainly I was feeling joy in being a mom. I was able to teach my son something that will help him through out his life. Something that I had only just begun to understand. Everything I do. Everything I go through. It's all worth it. For moments like these. Have a great day! Don't worry about the penguin. It's just a penguin.