MOODY MONDAY

I saw my therapist this morning. I love how direct she is with me. Today she said that she isn't going to blow sunshine up my butt just to make me feel better. She said we have to deal with reality. Growing up reality was avoided in my house. There was always a big elephant in the room that never got discussed. It's still that way with my family. She pointed out that I have had more anxiety and depression since our last appointment where we talked about the reality of me having another child. I want everything to be unicorns and rainbows, and I don't want to deal with the fear and all the what ifs of having another baby. I have been avoiding my feelings by being tired and wanting to sleep my life away. I have allowed small things that have bothered me turn into big depressing things. Like my weight. I have gained over 25#'s since starting on the meds just over a year ago :( Instead of dealing with it and doing things like exercise, and eating healthier, I've let myself get depressed over it and I've listened to a lot of negative self talk. Blah Blah Blah. I'm tired of getting stuck in these old behavior patterns. It's time for me to really make some changes in my life. I have lots of great plans for myself once school starts up again. For now I will just enjoy having my kids home for the next couple of weeks. Oh and despite the anxiety and depression my mood has been yellow today! Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

4 pink I'm feeling mixed emotions around here. Any confidence that I had in my ability to have another child is gone. I have a lot to work on. I'm thankful for my therapist and husband who push and challenge me. I will not just jump off my meds and get pregnant like I did last time. I will take things slow. I will make sure I'm in a good place. I've been doing good, but I need more stability under my belt. I need to make sure I want to have a baby for all the right reasons. I wish I wasn't so anxious and confused. If just the thought of having a baby makes me feel this way, than what would an actual baby do to me? This needs to be a happy choice, and all I feel right now is scared. I need to work on BEING a mom to the kids I already have. I need to set all this baby talk aside for now and just focus on me and my family.

Lots of changes are coming up next month. My sister is moving out :( We are all very sad about this, but hopefully it will be a good change for everyone. Also all of my children will be starting school. I'm going to have a lot of me time. I need to set some goals and have a plan to help me stay busy or else I can tell you right now my moods will not be pretty. Well I need to get off the computer and do some domestic things like dishes and make dinner. Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

I'll go with yellow! It was a good week. I was supposed to see my therapist this morning with my hubby, but she had to cancel because she is sick. We rescheduled for this Saturday. I'm looking forward to it. I want to talk about babies :)

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I can't be in therapy forever. As much as my therapist has been a pain in my butt I will miss her. She rescued me from the awful hell I was in, and I will be sad when I no longer get to talk to her on a regular basis. I know that I can always go back and that therapy can be one of my tools, but right now I probably don't need to go as much. I know I should be proud of that, but instead it just scares me. One of my homework assignments is to define my resources. Who can I go to, what can I do when I find myself struggling. My other assignment is to gather my thoughts and write out what I would say to my dad if he were to come to therapy with me. Just the thought of that makes me nauseated, but somehow I've got to figure out that relationship.

Anyways it's late and I need to go to bed. Good Night! Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

I'm yellow today! Just enjoying the day with my family! Have a Happy Fourth of July!