MOODY MONDAY

Went to the pharmacy today. Eighty-six bucks for thirty pills. I know it could be a lot worse so I wont complain too much. I saw the NP today and she said this is the best that she has seen me. I let her know that I'm getting baby hungry. We will talk again in a couple of months to see where I'm at and possibly work out a plan to start weaning off some of my meds. I'm not going to rush it though. If there's one thing I learned from my last experience with stopping meds to get pregnant it is to take things slooooow.

I'm at a 3 aqua today. I didn't sleep very well last night and it has made for a bit of a rougher day. That and the kids have been naughty lately. Only 44 days till school starts:) Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

I got me some baby love last week from this cutie and he melted my heart. I've been pretty content lately with the three kiddos that I have, but this baby reminded me of the desires of my heart. It's not time yet, but one day I know that I will be ready for this. With the help of "my team" I will be able to bring another sweet spirit into this world and our family. I know that I am at high risk for developing another perinatal mood disorder and that it could be worse than before. I also know that this is treatable, and should I find myself back in that hell, I know that I will not be alone. That's the worst part of my whole story. I was alone for so long and it didn't have to be that way. I find comfort in knowing that I have the best family and friends and that there will be many pairs of eyes watching me and making sure that all goes well next time around.

For now though I will continue to focus on my recovery which has been going quite well. Hello Yellow! Summer is flying by! I'm finding joy in spending time with my kids, and I won't lie. It helps that they go to summer camp four days a week for four hours a day :) Have a great week!

MOODY MONDAY

So just over a month ago I drove around in my car for about 20 minutes not realizing that my sunglasses looked liked this, and I just knew that there was some sort of lesson I could learn from this silliness. When I first put on the glasses I was in my dark garage getting ready to back out. Something seemed kinda funny but I wasn't able to tell what it was. Even when the sunlight was hitting me in the face I wasn't able to tell that one of the lenses was missing. It wasn't until my daughter said Mom somethings wrong with your glasses that I took them off and realized that the lense was gone. I couldn't believe that I had driven around for that long looking like that, and that I wasn't able to see with my own eyes what was going on. It took someone on the outside to help me figure it out.

I would like to relate this to my depression and anxiety. First of all I can't believe I have been living like this for the past five years not being able to see all the good that is around me. I know that I have a great life, but with the darkness of depression it was hard for me to really even care about my life or the people in it. I didn't see all the good that was right in front of my face. Then there is the anxiety which makes everything appear to be something it's not. I hate anxiety! It's amazing what anxiety can do to you physically and mentally. I'm learning to control it. My husband is learning how to help me with it. By the way our appointment went fabulous! I didn't get yelled at, and I think we both learned a lot about how to help me with the anxiety and the thoughts. I feel like I have been in the light for the past six months or so, but at times it has still been hard for me to see, and so I get help from the outside. I trust others to see for me, as they help me figure it all out.

The lesson that I learned is when you are struggling with anything in life it's always best to have a second pair of eyes. Find that someone that you can trust your life with, and when you can't see because things are too dark, let that someone see for you. I also learned that maybe I should get my eyes checked =)

I hope you are all having a fabulously yellow day like I am. Happy Monday!

MOODY MONDAY

Is it Monday already!? That week sure flew by. I had a couple of rough days, but all in all it was a good week. Today is a GREEN day! Ask me how I'm feeling tomorrow after I go to therapy with my husband. Last time I got beat up :) I'll let you know how it goes this time. Have a great day!