I have taken more Xanax in the past two weeks than I have in the last year. Too many things happened all at the same time that were out of my control. I'm kinda a control freak, and when I feel like I don't have control I start to get a little crazy. I was very much looking forward to talking about it with my therapist and then she called and canceled our appointment two hours before I was supposed to see her. Needless to say by the end of the day my hair was blue! Hair therapy works for me. It gives me a sense of control. I figured this out when I was sixteen years old. It was the day my parents sat me and my brother down and told us that my dad had cheated on my mom. That night I went to my Sunday school teachers home and asked her to chop off my hair. It felt really good! High school was extremely stressful for me and so my hair was always really really short. I hadn't figured out yet that I could just color my hair for the same effect.
I spoke to both the NP and my therapist this week, and will see them both next week. My moods have been anywhere between a 4 and a 9. I want to switch my meds, but I'm not feeling a whole lot of support on that idea, so we will see what happens.
Have a great weekend, and a Happy Easter! I'm gonna work on keeping the heart rate down, the head clear, and focusing on the meaning of Easter.
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